My last post was over a year ago. So many things can change in just one year. Transitional moves like Love to Hate to Love. Crowded to Alone to Surrounded. Oklahoma to Texas to Michigan. Independent to Alone to Dependent. I can keep going, but why? First, no none really knows what all that means. Just me. Just the memories swirling around in a person's head. The point is, it's been quite a while since I've put the pen to the paper. Many times I've thought about sharing, but I just didn't. (Also, I was too cheap to buy internet for myself and you need the internet to blog.) That's too bad, though, for me. Maybe not others.
It's been really hard lately dealing with my grandmother. She's 95 now. I reread my "I Don't Know" post that I wrote last year the day before my birthday. Life in Lawton I know now, is easy. Slow, but easy. Time brings clarity. Reading that was a little bittersweet because now I'm not with my grandmother any longer. I left her a few months after posting that January blog. I moved away that April. FINALLY got my government job back. Moved away to Texarkana, Texas.
Texarkana. That's a cool place. My office was, literally, in two separate states. I think during the four months I was there, I broke the record for standing in two states at once -- Arkansas and Texas. It was easy. You just put one foot in each at the same time. My office was split down the middle by the two state lines. As my son would tell me, "Cool story, mom Tell it at parties." Nah, Little Feller. I just told it on the blog.
However, I left my little granny home alone when I moved there. It's so crazy how bad you want to get away, but then feel so unbelievably guilty when you do leave. I drove back every other weekend to see her. I also brought my laundry. I mean, come on. Why not? So what if I'm 48. Convenience
After four months, Michigan beckoned me back. My children AND a federal job, plus my son getting married! Wowzer. I love it. "Pack 'er up, YOWBABY, we're driving to Michigan."
So now I'm here and grandma's back in Lawton. She's not doing so good. She was lonely, but doing great, until a month ago. I actually drug her to come and visit us here in Michigan. The plans was for her to stay for the wedding. That was my idea. She wasn't happy about it, though.
Granny: "How far is the drive back to Oklahoma?"
Me: "You can't go home yet. You haven't even seen Justin and Andrew."
Granny: "Well, I'm right here."
Me: "Yes, that is true."
And finally,
Granny: "Darlene, you've essentially kidnapped me. I could call the police and turn you in. I want to go home."
Me (shaking my head): "Okay. I'll take you home."
Back she went. Fine for a bit, but in one fell swoop things can change. Something happened. Declining health. Minor strokes? Dementia? Loneliness? Not too sure. So I guess it's time for me to "kidnap" her again, bring her back or move her to a better place.
Seems she was hospitalized because of an infection. That messed her up. However, call me a complainer, but when you place your loved one in an "Assisted Living" temporarily to help her get stronger, they're not supposed to be forgotten. Not by me. Not by her family. Definitely not by the workers of the facility. Because although my grandmother's mind is slowing down and her body's not cooperating and taking her to the places it used to go, she's always been there for me. Maybe I didn't realize how much, but as time passes and you see your loved one starting to change, you start reflecting on the past.
Reflecting on the good times you've had. The times that after you moved back in when you became an adult and thought that person was horrible, how it wasn't so bad after all. My granny's not doing amazing, but until she's completed her life here with me and gone on to Heaven, I'm not going to give up on her.
It's been said my grandmother's getting the Dementia. At 95, I have my doubts. But there's one thing I don't have doubts about. Love. The same thing I told my son when he was going through his teenage years, his defiant years, I repeat now in my head to her: "I'm not gonna give up on you. I will not let you get away from me." I say that because I see her mind slipping away and the circumstances of where she's at right now.
So I close this blog with this thought. That family is family. Love One Another and Never give up on them. Keep talking to them through their confusions. Even when they don't understand what is happening around them and forgetting minor details, when swallowing is harder and bathroom trips change to bathroom events, I remember the scripture on Love from 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. It helps me breathe, think and just know that she knows.
So, until next time ...
Me
It's been really hard lately dealing with my grandmother. She's 95 now. I reread my "I Don't Know" post that I wrote last year the day before my birthday. Life in Lawton I know now, is easy. Slow, but easy. Time brings clarity. Reading that was a little bittersweet because now I'm not with my grandmother any longer. I left her a few months after posting that January blog. I moved away that April. FINALLY got my government job back. Moved away to Texarkana, Texas.
However, I left my little granny home alone when I moved there. It's so crazy how bad you want to get away, but then feel so unbelievably guilty when you do leave. I drove back every other weekend to see her. I also brought my laundry. I mean, come on. Why not? So what if I'm 48. Convenience
After four months, Michigan beckoned me back. My children AND a federal job, plus my son getting married! Wowzer. I love it. "Pack 'er up, YOWBABY, we're driving to Michigan."
So now I'm here and grandma's back in Lawton. She's not doing so good. She was lonely, but doing great, until a month ago. I actually drug her to come and visit us here in Michigan. The plans was for her to stay for the wedding. That was my idea. She wasn't happy about it, though.
Granny: "How far is the drive back to Oklahoma?"
Me: "You can't go home yet. You haven't even seen Justin and Andrew."
Granny: "Well, I'm right here."
Me: "Yes, that is true."
And finally,
Granny: "Darlene, you've essentially kidnapped me. I could call the police and turn you in. I want to go home."
Me (shaking my head): "Okay. I'll take you home."
Back she went. Fine for a bit, but in one fell swoop things can change. Something happened. Declining health. Minor strokes? Dementia? Loneliness? Not too sure. So I guess it's time for me to "kidnap" her again, bring her back or move her to a better place.
Seems she was hospitalized because of an infection. That messed her up. However, call me a complainer, but when you place your loved one in an "Assisted Living" temporarily to help her get stronger, they're not supposed to be forgotten. Not by me. Not by her family. Definitely not by the workers of the facility. Because although my grandmother's mind is slowing down and her body's not cooperating and taking her to the places it used to go, she's always been there for me. Maybe I didn't realize how much, but as time passes and you see your loved one starting to change, you start reflecting on the past.
Reflecting on the good times you've had. The times that after you moved back in when you became an adult and thought that person was horrible, how it wasn't so bad after all. My granny's not doing amazing, but until she's completed her life here with me and gone on to Heaven, I'm not going to give up on her.
It's been said my grandmother's getting the Dementia. At 95, I have my doubts. But there's one thing I don't have doubts about. Love. The same thing I told my son when he was going through his teenage years, his defiant years, I repeat now in my head to her: "I'm not gonna give up on you. I will not let you get away from me." I say that because I see her mind slipping away and the circumstances of where she's at right now.
So I close this blog with this thought. That family is family. Love One Another and Never give up on them. Keep talking to them through their confusions. Even when they don't understand what is happening around them and forgetting minor details, when swallowing is harder and bathroom trips change to bathroom events, I remember the scripture on Love from 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. It helps me breathe, think and just know that she knows.
So, until next time ...
Me
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